Mother has a conversation with young with daughter

Managing Childhood Anxiety

Jessica L. Tomasula, PhD
Licensed Psychologist
Owner, LiveWell Psychology PLLC
WakeMed Pediatric Weight Management

It is no surprise that rates of anxiety for children and adolescents have more than doubled since the onset of COVID-19. Nearly one in five youth now struggle with anxiety symptoms and that one may be in your family. This prompts the question, “What can I do?” Here are a few practical tips to help answer that question. Start by asking the following three questions:

“How do I handle feelings of anxiety?”

For the most part, kids pay attention to what adults do, not what you say. Kids notice things that you wish they didn’t, which includes observing our most anxious moments. Some moments are better than others, so consider how you cope with anxiety in your best and less-than-best moments. Consider how often you are able to manage your worries in a helpful way. If it is not as often as you would like, start there. 

Work to build your self-awareness around those experiences. Ask yourself, “What are my triggers?” “What do I do to help lessen my anxiety?” “Which responses help me the most?” Once you’ve learned some things about yourself, whether through individual self-discovery or with the support of a licensed professional, do not impart your wisdom on your child verbally, but through actions instead. Remember, they will see how you manage your anxiety by watching your actions and reactions to life’s daily hassles.

“Am I okay with experiencing failure or embarrassment?”

Speaking from personal experience as a recovering perfectionist, this one is a hard question for me to answer. No one likes to fail or feel embarrassed. Yet, these experiences encourage individual growth and ultimately help bolster self-confidence. Feeling more confident as a result of failure or embarrassment may seem counterintuitive. However, you will begin to trust yourself more after realizing that you were able to get through a difficult moment. You will see that you are defined by value systems, not difficult moments. Ensuring that children regularly try new experiences or activities is a great way to help them learn this life lesson.

“Am I attempting to make my child’s experience easier by avoiding anxious situations?”

Every caregiver hates to see children struggle and may attempt to make their lives easier by doing things for them or letting them avoid anxiety-inducing situations. These types of behaviors are rewarding to both caregiver and child in the short-term because the child experiences less anxiety, which leads to a sense of relief from the adult. It is completely understandable why these accommodations tend to become a pattern for families with anxious children. 

However, it’s important to understand that, though well-intended, these actions can actually worsen a child’s anxiety symptoms.

 

Similar to experiencing failure and embarrassment, caregivers can encourage children to discover just how resilient they can be. Consider using this strategy to help kids through difficult moments: First, validate or accept how they are feeling. Then, reinforce confidence in their ability to tolerate these feelings of anxiety. It might sound something like this, “I know that this is tough AND I know you’ve handled hard situations in the past.”

Several children line up behind a starting line as they prepare for a running race.

Consider reading or listening to this evidence-based program for more information on how to best support a child through anxious moments. As you explore, you will know when to seek out additional support if your child’s life is steadily being controlled by their anxiety symptoms. This may look like a reduction or absence of friends, resistance to engage in academic or community activities, or when a child needs adult help to complete daily routines.

Just as you wouldn’t let a child decide whether or not they go to the dentist, you will need to be the one to decide when it’s time to connect your child with a licensed professional. Getting your child into therapy isn’t a sign of bad parenting, it’s actually the opposite. You are responding to your child’s needs and refusing to allow societal stigma to cloud your parenting intuition.

Featured Event

Annual Meeting & Conference – Youth Mental Health: Promoting Well-Being and Safety 

Join the Poe Center in our continued efforts to support the mental health and well-being of youth. The Poe Center’s 2024 annual conference will focus on emerging information on youth mental health and well-being, the impact, and what we all can do about it. Hear from experts in the field who are problem-solving and taking steps to help young people stay safe and experience healthy development, and who will give guidance on how to support our youth every day and in times of high need.

Register Here